10 Ways Parents Can Support an LGBTQIA+ Child and Build Confidence

Parents that have shown their support for their LGBTQIA+ child often report that their relationship with their child has strengthened, and both parents and their child often report better communication, lower depression, and lower levels of anxiety than those who feel unaccepted by adults in their life.

2. Know What Not to Say When Your Child Comes Out

Parents say the wrong thing sometimes. It happens. But some common responses cause real damage, even when the intention is love. Here are a few phrases to steer clear of:

Phrases That Can Hurt (Even When You Mean Well)

• “It’s just a phase.” This dismisses your child’s experience during a time when they need to feel heard most.
• “What did I do wrong?” Your child’s identity is not a reflection of your parenting, and this response centers your feelings over theirs.
• “How did this happen?” Focusing on the cause can send the message that their identity is a problem that needs to be solved.
• “This is against…(insert various religious, philosophical, or political ideology)”. Your allegiance should be to your child above all else. Show unconditional love.
• “Don’t tell ___.” Keeping their identity secret suggests there’s something wrong with who they are. That story is theirs to tell.
• “You’re too young to know.” Children and teens often have a clear understanding of their identity. Their feelings deserve respect, even as that understanding continues to develop.
• “Just don’t be too extreme, it doesn’t need to be your whole personality.” This puts a limit on self-expression at exactly the moment your child needs space to figure out who they are.
• “How are we supposed to explain this to…” Rather than making it seem like your child is a burden or an inconvenience, ask how you can support them when talking with others.
• “You can’t keep changing how you identify. If you aren’t certain, it’s not real.” Identity development and exploration are a big part of adolescent and teen development. It is normal for kids and teens to change how they identify once they have more information and can understand themselves better.

What to Say Instead

When in doubt, lead with love. A few simple responses go a long way:

• “Thank you for trusting me.”
• “I love you, and nothing changes that.”
• “I may have things to learn, but I’m here for you.”

It’s okay not to have every answer right away. What your child needs most is to see that you’re trying.

3. Show Your Love Consistently and Out Loud

Say “I love you” often and mean it. Check in about their day. Take an interest in their friendships and their world. Small, consistent actions build the kind of trust that becomes a lifeline when things get hard.

By the time your child comes to talk to you, they probably already have a rich vocabulary for their identity, one that many parents weren’t raised with. Learning that language is one of the clearest ways you can show you’re willing to meet them where they are.

4. Follow Their Lead on Language

You don’t need to know every term right away. But making the effort matters. Learn their pronouns. Use the words they use for themselves. Ask questions with curiosity rather than skepticism. When you speak their language, you’re telling them you see them and that you’re paying attention. Asking questions is how we learn, and education and communication can help build relationships and trust.

5. Affirm Their Identity Without Making Assumptions

If you suspect your child may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. or questioning their gender identity, resist the urge to bring it up before they’re ready. Let them come to you on their own terms and timeline. In the meantime, you can signal acceptance by talking positively about LGBTQIA+ characters in books, movies, and television; engaging openly with current events; and treating LGBTQIA+ people in your life like any other community member. These signals tell your child what kind of space they’re coming home to.

6. Create a Safe and Welcoming Home Environment

You can’t always control what your child encounters outside, but you can make home a place where they feel completely accepted. A few everyday ways to show it:

• Learn about LGBTQIA+ identities and issues so you can have informed, open conversations.
• Show visible support, whether that’s a bumper sticker, a flag, or simply saying it out loud.
• Keep communication open and be direct: tell your child they can come to you about anything.
• Read about and talk with LGBTQIA+ individuals about their experiences and what was helpful for them to hear and see when coming out

Respect Their Privacy

One of the most important things you can do is not “out” your child to others. Their identity is theirs to share, on their timeline and with whom they choose. Even well-intentioned disclosure can feel like a violation of trust. Let them lead. If they don’t enthusiastically agree to you sharing their identity, assume that the answer is ‘no’ for the time being.

7. Advocate for Your Child at School and in the Community

If your child is out at school, connect with their teachers and other adults to make sure appropriate support is in place. Pay attention to school board meetings and local policy decisions that may affect LGBTQ students. Join community organizations, including groups for parents in your area. There are plenty of voices that won’t speak in your child’s best interest. Yours can.

Signs of Bullying to Watch For

LGBTQ youth experience bullying at higher rates than their peers. Keep an eye out for:

• Sudden withdrawal or changes in mood
• Drop in grades or reluctance to go to school
• Increased anxiety or avoidance of social situations
• Acting out or engaging in risky behaviors

8. Prioritize Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being

The numbers are real and worth knowing. LGBTQIA+ youth face significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation than their cisgender and heterosexual peers.

• 29% of queer kids are bullied, compared to 16% of cisgender and heterosexual kids
• Drug use among LGBTQ+ youth is 15% compared to 8% of cisgender/heterosexual youth
• Suicidal ideation among LGBTQ+ youth is a staggering 42%, compared to 13% among cisgender/heterosexual youth
• Risk of depression is more than double the rate for LGBTQIA+ youth at 53%, compared to 31%
• Risk of anxiety is estimated at about 66% for LGBTQIA+ youth

But here’s what the research also shows: parental support is one of the strongest protective factors available. When you’re in their corner, those numbers shift in real and lasting ways.

For parents, fear and lower acceptance tend to come from a place of uncertainty and a lack of education on the topic. Education combined with a willingness to learn and accept your child has shown significant impact on youth mental health outcomes in therapy. Parents report having a stronger bond with their child, and youth report feeling lower levels of shame, fear, and uncertainty about what their identity might mean for their relationship with their parent.

Building Self-Esteem and Resilience

Building self-esteem is no different for LGBTQ kids than for any other child. Celebrate their achievements, in school, in their hobbies, in their friendships. Give them responsibilities. Let them take appropriate risks and learn from the outcome. When they try hard things and grow from it, it builds the kind of confidence that stays with them. Treat interests in romantic and platonic relationships in a similar way to what you would if they were heterosexual, with similar boundaries and safety guidelines.

Make sure their sexual orientation or gender identity is just one part of how you see them, not the whole picture. Celebrate the test grade, the art they created, and the kind thing they did for a friend. All of it matters.

9. Keep Learning as a Parent

The landscape of gender and sexual identity has changed considerably, and if you feel like you have some catching up to do, you’re not alone. Many parents have been exactly where you are. The important thing is that you’re willing to learn.

If you need to process your own feelings about your child’s identity, that’s completely understandable. Just make sure you’re doing it somewhere that doesn’t put the emotional weight on your child. A therapist or support group can be a good space for that.

Resources for Parents of LGBTQIA+ Youth

Several excellent organizations offer resources for parents of LGBTQIA+ children, including guides to terminology, support groups, and online communities:

• PFLAG (org): Parent support groups, local chapters, and a comprehensive guide for families.
• The Trevor Project (org): Research, crisis support, and resources for LGBTQ youth and their families.
• Families First Pediatrics: Ask about our Supportive Parenting Classes for guided support right here at Families First.
• Encircle: (org): Offers groups for youth as well as parents, family, and allies. They have a calendar with programming available each month for all locations on their website.

10. Know When to Seek Professional Support

All kids go through periods of stress and emotional difficulty. For LGBTQ youth, those challenges can be more frequent and more intense. It’s worth knowing the signs that your child may benefit from professional support, including persistent sadness, withdrawal, significant changes in behavior, or anything that feels beyond what you can address at home.

Finding Affirming Care

An affirming mental health counselor can be a valuable support for LGBTQ youth, even without a crisis. Having a trusted adult outside the family to talk to openly makes a real difference. Families First Pediatrics has in-house mental health counselors who are accepting, affirming, and ready to support both you and your child. Don’t hesitate to ask your provider about a referral.

We’re Here for You and Your Child

Whether your child just came out or you’re trying to be more prepared, Families First Pediatrics is here to help. Ask about our Supportive Parenting Classes, or schedule a visit to speak with a provider about the best ways to support your child’s health and well-being. You don’t have to figure this out alone.