Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some kids have one parent, and some have two. Some kids live with their grandparents, aunts and uncles, or older siblings, but one thing is seemingly universal: it’s increasingly common for parents to balance their home lives with full-time jobs.
While a full-time career has become the norm in recent decades, most parents report difficulty balancing their work and family lives. Moreover, even when both parents work full time, one parent typically shoulders more household caregiving responsibilities than their partner.
Even if more than one parent is splitting parenting and caregiving duties, it can be challenging to carve out quality time to connect with your children. Fortunately, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with your kid(s) in order to build warm, loving, and enduring connections with them.
Build a Support Network
Throughout most of human history, we have relied heavily on our extended families and communities to help raise our children. It’s been famously said that it takes a village to raise a child, but these days, people tend to be more spread out, and your closest relatives might be hundreds or thousands of miles away.
The unfortunate result is a generation of parents trying to do everything on their own. It’s no wonder that we feel as though we’re falling short when it comes to connecting with our kids. The solution might be creating your own village out of the other parents within earshot.
Make an effort to introduce yourself to the other parents at your kids’ daycare, preschool, school, after-school activities, the office, and anywhere else you encounter parents on a regular basis. There’s a good chance they need help just as much as you do. Offer to help carpool kids to or from practice, babysit during a date night, and start building a network of parents who can help shoulder the load.
Make Every Moment Count
With everything modern parents have to balance, you’re never going to get all the time you want with your kids, so it’s crucial to grab hold of the moments you have and make the most of them. It doesn’t have to be complicated; building close parental bonds can be as simple as asking your child about their day or including them in day-to-day tasks. Here are some ideas that you can easily modify to suit your family.
- Get an early start. Mornings set the stage for the rest of the day, and it’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of rushing out the door. Getting up a little earlier means you can have breakfast together and talk about the day to come, ensuring your kiddo starts the day fed, both physically and emotionally.
- Slow down. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush of modern life, but most of the time, the few minutes you’ll save by rushing out the door aren’t really worth it. Pause, breathe, and be present. Your kids won’t remember being late to soccer practice, but they will remember you being short with them about being late.
- Take an inventory of priorities. Often, the things we care about and the things we spend time on aren’t the same things. Are you spending your time in a way that aligns with the things and relationships you value most? If not, think through the ways you could reprioritize to give your relationship with your child(ren) the attention it deserves.
- Meet your child where they are. Despite our best efforts, our kids don’t always like the same things we like. Just because you liked attending baseball games with your dad doesn’t mean your kid wants to do that. Think about times in the past when you and your child really connected. What were you doing? What weren’t you doing? And how can you recreate that connection in the future?
- Talk and listen. Ask your child questions and really listen to what they say so they feel valued and understood. Show interest in what they are doing no matter how small or redundant they might seem to you; remember, it’s important to them.
- Let’s Dance! Let your little one choose a song and groove out for a few minutes. Even if your calendar is absolutely packed, you can carve out enough time to boogie down for the length of a song.
- Bath time. Young kids need to be supervised in the bath until they are old enough to safely bathe on their own. Make bath time fun with bath toys, bath paints, and music. It’s possible to get clean, have fun, and make lasting memories all at the same time.
- Make a wish list. Ask your kid(s) to help make a list of places they’d like to go and activities they’d like to do, then start crossing things off that list. Even if you have less time than you’d like, you can make the most of that time by making it memorable.
- Close out the day: Create a bedtime routine and stick to it so you always have a moment of connection that you and your child can count on, regardless of what the rest of the day looks like. When you tuck your child into bed, let them know how much you care about them. Ask them about their day and talk through any questions or challenges. Read a story together or talk about the day to come. It doesn’t need to be the most exciting moment of the day, but it should be consistent.
Find Strength Through Self-Care
If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you know that you are told, in the event of an emergency, to put on your own oxygen mask first. You can’t help anyone if you’re unconscious from a lack of oxygen, and the same philosophy applies to other parts of our lives.
Many parents report consistently feeling rushed and overwhelmed. There’s a sensation that time is slipping through our fingers, and we’re going to miss out on irreplaceable experiences if we don’t just keep going, going, going. But are you really ever present if you’re always thinking about the next thing? Taking a little time for self-care and giving yourself a moment to breathe (putting on your mask) can allow you to be more present during the moments that count.
While balancing parenting and caregiving duties can be demanding, creating warm, loving, and enduring bonds doesn’t require constant interaction. By focusing on being present and intentional during the time you spend together, you can build a lasting foundation of trust, love, and understanding because the very best connection you can have with your kids is the one you make today.