Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that commonly causes social, communication, and behavioral challenges. Autism impacts people in a wide variety of ways. Some people can go their entire lives without even knowing they are on the autism spectrum, while others are impacted more heavily.
An estimated 1 in 31 children is diagnosed with autism, according to the CDC, and many children start showing behavioral symptoms between the ages of 12 and 18 months. Autism spectrum disorder appears in all racial and ethnic groups and is believed to be between three and four times more common in male children, but that may be due at least in part to missed diagnoses.
Some kids with autism may have significant cognitive and language impairment, while others may have above-average cognitive and language skills. Kids with ASD may struggle to develop language skills at the same rate as their peers, and difficulty in communicating can negatively impact their ability to make and maintain friendships.
Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder and Communication
For many children with autism, social interaction and communication can feel confusing or overwhelming at times. Parents may notice their child struggling to start conversations, understand social cues, or build friendships with peers. These challenges can raise questions and concerns for families who simply want to help their child feel understood and connected.
While autism impacts each child differently, whether verbal or nonverbal, atypical communication is a fundamental feature of autism. Some may use spoken language with unique tones, rhythms, or patterns, while others may communicate using fewer words, gestures, picture boards, or speech-generating devices. Every form of communication is meaningful, and with the right supports and tools, children can express their needs, thoughts, and personalities in ways that work best for them.
Behaviors common to children with autism spectrum disorder include:
- Language differences: Some kids on the autism spectrum communicate in ways similar to those of their non-autistic peers. Others may have limited or uneven language development.
- Repetitive language: Kids with autism often say things that have no obvious meaning or aren’t related to the current topic of conversation. They might habitually count or repeat words they’ve heard recently, a behavior called echolalia.
- Voice differences: Some kids with autism speak in a robotic voice. Others speak in a high-pitched or sing-songy voice.
- Stock phrases: Kids with autism have commonly repeated phrases, often related to their current task. For instance, they might ask themselves, “Do you want a snack?” every time they have a snack.
- Narrow focus: Kids on the autism spectrum may become hyperfocused. They may be able to give a long explanation of a topic that interests them, but struggle to carry on a back-and-forth conversation.
- Exceptional ability: About one in ten children on the autism spectrum exhibit exceptional ability in one or more areas, like an inherent ability to play an instrument or solve math problems.
Why is it hard for autistic people to make friends?
Making friends is hard for everyone, but it can be especially challenging for kids on the autism spectrum. That doesn’t mean they don’t want connections. Many autistic children deeply want friendships, companionship, and a sense of belonging.
Kids on the autism spectrum often experience and express social interaction in different ways and have different ways of learning and communicating. They may also have a hard time regulating their emotions, leading to impulsive, aggressive, or unsafe behaviors. Kids with ASD might find certain social situations uncomfortable and overwhelming. They may not be able to navigate social situations as easily and may have a harder time interpreting conversations and interactions with their peers.
Kids on the autism spectrum may appear withdrawn or indifferent, they might prefer to play or spend time by themselves, and they may have trouble initiating contact with peers. In social situations, kids with ASD may have a hard time recognizing humor or sarcasm, respecting personal space, or dealing with disagreements.
These behaviors all arise from differences in the ways autistic and non-autistic people experience the world, but they may be interpreted as rudeness, making it difficult for autistic kids to make friends.
Autism and Friendships: What Parents Should Know
You may have heard of the “Double Empathy Problem,” which suggests that autistic and non-autistic people have a hard time understanding one another because of a fundamental difference in perspective. Kids with autism have a hard time reading and responding to social cues, while non-autistic kids misinterpret the actions or inactions of autistic kids, leading to unintended conflict.
Your autistic child may experience social anxiety stemming from a fear of social acceptance, fear of being abandoned by friends, fear of responding inappropriately, fear of being judged, and more. Many of those fears are common to all kids, but they can be especially challenging for kids who struggle to understand social cues.
Friendships will evolve as your child gets older. They may be easy to form when your child is younger, but fray as your child and their friends get older. Making friends may be more challenging during the teenage years. Teens on the autism spectrum are at greater risk of having fewer friends and experiencing feelings of loneliness and depression.
How Communication Differences Affect Social Relationships
For many kids, making friends comes naturally, but many kids with ASD find common social situations confusing and overwhelming. They may find it difficult to speak or even be unable to speak when they’re overwhelmed or overstimulated.
Kids on the autism spectrum may have a harder time reading the room and responding appropriately. They may experience sensory overload when exposed to bright lights, loud noises, or overwhelming environments. Kids on the spectrum are also more likely to use direct language and may struggle with ambiguous or metaphorical language. They may take things literally, and that can be misinterpreted as being blunt.
Communication is also more than just words. It also incorporates body language, facial expressions, and social interactions like sharing and taking turns. These are things that impact the ability to build and maintain friendships and can be more challenging for kids on the autism spectrum.
Ways Parents Can Support Social and Communication Skills in Kids with Autism
Every parent wants to help their child navigate the different emotions and social settings they’ll encounter throughout their lives. Parents of kids with autism can work with educators to ensure their child’s IEP (Individualized Education Program) includes social skills support, such as social stories, role-playing, problem-solving, or positive reinforcement in group settings.
Pay attention to what your child is interested in. Not only will it help you connect with them, but it will also give you the knowledge to identify potential friendships for your child when you encounter them.
Other things parents can do:
- Model social skills: Show your child how to make a polite greeting, take turns, and share their toys. As your child grows, consider the new social situations they’re likely to encounter and model those new behaviors.
- Create opportunities: Plan playdates in sensory-friendly environments and do activities your child is interested in. Look for clubs and activities related to your child’s interests, where they are likely to meet other kids with similar interests. Help your child expand their interests, even if it means gently pushing them out of their comfort zone.
- Teach coping skills: You can’t always avoid triggers, and your autistic child will need strategies for coping with overwhelming or uncomfortable situations. Simple strategies may include deep breathing exercises, squeezing a stress ball, using noise-canceling headphones, or taking a short break in a quiet space.
- Role-play: Practice social skills such as starting a conversation, introducing yourself, taking turns in play and conversation, recognizing emotions, conflict resolution, flexibility, and anything else your child has difficulty with.
When to Seek Additional Support for Your Child with Autism
If you suspect your child is on the autism spectrum, talk with your pediatrician about an autism evaluation. With a diagnosis, you can work with the special education team at your child’s school to provide customized services through an IEP.
You could also consider Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, a process that breaks down social interactions into smaller steps, then identifies and modifies behaviors through positive reinforcement to promote social interactions.
Celebrating Strengths and Building Confidence
Children on the autism spectrum often focus on a narrow group of interests. They might even become experts in a certain topic while struggling with others. It might be important to put effort into improving the areas your child struggles with, but it’s also important to celebrate the things they do well.
Focusing on your child’s strengths and talents helps them to build confidence. Encourage your child to continue pursuing their interests while also expanding those interests. Parents can build on their child’s strengths and interests to build their skills and confidence. For instance, if your child likes a certain topic or fictional character, you can use that as a launchpad to get them interested in other topics. You could learn math by counting favorite objects or discussing how their favorite character might handle a situation. As your child’s skills grow, so will their confidence.
Meanwhile, pay particular attention to what you’re working on. If you’ve been helping your child learn to greet people politely and you hear them say good morning to a gas station clerk, make sure to recognize and praise that success! Positive reinforcement goes a long way toward helping children feel seen and validated, despite any challenges they might face.
The steady support of parents, teachers, and caregivers makes a powerful difference. When children know the adults around them understand and support them, they feel safer practicing new skills, managing big emotions, and developing tools that will help them thrive in everyday life.
Sources:
National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders
Texas Health and Human Services
American Speech-Language-Hearing Association
